men and women are different

I'm at a youth conference as part of the support staff. One of my friends and co-workers is giving a talk to the young men attending the conference. He asked a young woman we know to give a short testimony from her perspective about what it means to respect women. I was with her and 2 other women just outside the room. We were there to support our friends and pray with them, for them and those listening.

We were asked to leave by the man who is the "host" for the weekend. He said it was weird for girls to be hanging around and that the guys might feel uncomfortable. We were so far in the back of the room that we were actually outside of it. I don't thank many, if any of the guys in the room even knew we were there or gave it a second thought. This wasn't a small group where guys were going to be asked point blank to step up and be accountable for the ways they've sinned and been disrespectul towards women. I thought it was weird that he thought it was an issue. In all fairness to him, he didn't realize that one of our little "pack" was there to speak, but I wonder if after we let him know that if that shouldn't have been enough. I really felt bad when the three of us who weren't speaking respected his whishes and walked away. I felt like I was letting down a sister. We left her, alone, to walk in to a group of 700 guys. Sure, she can handle it, but those situations are always easier when you know someone's got your back.

I don't fully understand it, but I respect the intent and hope that in the future he can be a little more open to a subtle, feminine presence. After all, our mother Mary was/is always there.

I was talking to my granny and I told her that a lot of people haven't signed up for the spring retreat and that's what she did...

It was really shocking!!! Mostly 'cause she's super sweet and rarely spits or drools and she always keeps her eyeballs intact!!

back from cincy

I got back from the national youth workers convention this evening.

It was great and has inspired me to start posting on this blog that I created like 3 months ago, but rarely used.

It's late and I have to get up early for a retreat, but I wanted to jot down a few thoughts so I don't forget and I'll expand on them later.

Video Rocks!

going nutso in the ys store

Let go of the vision.

You are more than what you've become.

Crowder with a keytar!

Prophets

Get organized---today

the lovely Carlos is uber-talented

youth culture

labrynth

It's cool to be Catholic

Old St. Mary's Church

Walking across the bridge in the sleet

it's hard to find a restaraunt

I have issues with the Millenium hotel

Love your friends to Life!

I'd rather read a book

magic/illusions trip me out

the zoo

where the Reds play

Eucharist

Donald Miller

humility

There's more, I'm sure, but morning comes early tomorrow.

Precious and Glorious?!?!

I have been thinking and praying all morning about some situations and some people that are really tugging, and some even yanking, on my heart. After mass and spending some time praying in the chapel, I decided to listen to a talk by Fr. Larry Richards, who led our parish mission last November. Wow, it was full of so much insight and wisdom that I am going to have to listen to it at least 3 or 4 more times so I can "get it"!

Here's the thing that is sticking out to me and that prompted me to start a blog: he shared about how he has struggled with accepting God's love for him. He shared that he had a reputation for being arrogant and aggressive and while he had a hard time with that what was even more difficult was that he knew God knew all those things about him and still loved him. God had called him to priesthood. God had chosen Fr. Larry knowing fully everything about him, the good, the bad and the embarassing, and he not only chose him, but he loves him. Fr. Larry then goes on to say that he spent some time reading Isaiah 43: 1-5 and praying about it. What struck him, and what is really calling out to me, is verse 4 which says "Because you are precious in my eyes and glorious, and because I love you..." and I'm thinking whoa! Precious and glorious, now that is some serious love, here's the thing though, it doesn't stop there....because we are precious in God's eyes and we are glorious and because he loves us, it goes on to say that "I give people in return for you and nations in exchange for your life."

Are you kidding me?

I can't help but wonder if he really knew that I was going to come along when this scripture was written. If he knew that I would be broken and deeply wounded, thatI would try everything in my power to separate myself from him. Did he know that and still say I was precious and glorious? (in another version of the Bible they use the word honored in place of glorious, either way it's way more than I deserve)

The answer is yes! He knew me even then, thousands of years ago. Is that some craziness or what? Okay, so he knew all that about me and he promised that he would "give people in return for me and nations in exchange for my life." Jinkies! That is no joke!!! So here's the thing God doesn't just love us, he tells us we are precious and glorious. Then he doesn't just leave us with those words but he shows us.

For me he did that by sending people in to my life and directing me to situations where his presence and plan were so obvious I could no longer deny them. I said that I was determined to separate myself from God. I didn't want him to see my ugliness or the ways I had disrespected myself and others. God had said he would give nations in exchange for me, a promise like that means that he is always extending his hand to me, to us. He is reaching out and longing for us to reach back at all times and especially when we are feeling lost, when we are wondering why we have seen, done, been, felt all that we have. He knows where we've been and all that has happened in our lives. Here is what may be even more difficult to grasp, he sees and knows about all our crap... but when he looks at each one of us all he knows is love.

I don't deserve it, I'm definitely not worthy, but still he loves me. It took a while, but eventually I accepted his love. I'm still not deserving, but that doesn't matter. Through prayer, the sacraments, and the people he has sent in to my life, I continue to grow closer to him and strengthen our bond. There are still weaknesses and I know that I could slip at any time, but that is what keeps me determined to hang on tight and never again turn my back on him.

What about you? Are you holding on to God's hand? have you turned your back on him? or are you standing before him but not willing to take his hand? If you feel a separation from God I really want to challenge you to look at the reason why. Pray about what is holding you back and talk to an adult that you trust. God isn't able to physically give you a hug, but I believe that is why he sent people in to your life who can. Accept their love and hugs and know that they are from God.

I just want to end this in a short prayer.

Lord, I have been broken and hurt, at times I have separated myself from you. Help me to accept your love and grab your hand and hold on tight. Amen

note: this was written a few months ago and moved over from an old site